What is “Topping from the Bottom?”

There’s a misunderstanding that if you tell your Dom/me that you don’t like something or that it hurts (in the bad way) that is topping from the bottom. Or that if you tell your Dom/me what you like that is topping from the bottom (TFB).

None of these examples are TFB! What they are is communication. It’s giving your Master/Mistress the information they need to make your interactions together more fulfilling for you both.

Topping from the bottom is when you try to tell the Dominant how to run the scene. It’s like saying, “if you don’t do it MY way, I’ll grab my ball and go home.” (no pun intended.)   TFB actually prevents you from being able to reach the zenith of your connection. And no, I’m not talking about someone who teases their Dom/me to get more, that’s a dynamic that can be fun.

What can a Dominant do when they see the sub is attempting to TFB?

* Stop the scene

* Smile and keep doing what THEY want to do

* Hand the toy to the sub and tell them to do it themselves (it’s really comical to see the sub’s expression when you do this)

* Decide not to interact with the sub again

* Provide training for the sub (and yes, even the Dom)

It’s not easy being a Dominant and we don’t always do things right. However, you can educated yourself. Join groups for Dominants and/or participate in a Mentorship with an experienced Dominant (ensure they have at least 5+ years. Under that, they are really still learning themselves. )

Live with passion,

Dr. Charley Ferrer


To discover more about Dominance and submission read, BDSM The Naked Truth or join us for BDSM Writers Con which provides authors and readers valuable insights into the world of dominance and submission.

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