Dr. Charley Ferrer, having just released my male submissive because he has a huge issue with accepting who he is/wants to be after four years of him pulling disappearing acts because he felt guilty over our relationship, how do you suggest or help these individuals in accepting their core self?

It’s never easy to accept the part of ourselves that society, religion and those we love tell us is bad, pathological, or wrong.In these instances it is about having and gaining courage to be who you are. It’s about acceptance of your core self. You’ll often here me talking about “core self”— “a core submissive” or “a core Dominant” as opposed to a “true submissive” or “true Dominant” because “true” implies judgment and “true” is ever changing. What’s true today at this moment may be different in 5-minutes or tomorrow. So when I work with someone in Mentorship or Therapy, it is the “core self” that we’re addressing. It’s imperative to realize that for some individuals in the l/s it is NOT at their core to be submissive nor Dominant though it is something they enjoy or feel comfortable doing for a limited amount of time. Submission and dominance to these individuals is a “role” they play as opposed to “who” they are. And these are the individuals that with struggle with the level of submission/dominance they’re willing to share with their partner. I don’t know your sub and his story nor your relationship therefore I can’t give you a blanket answer. What I can say is that when I provide Mentorship or D/s Therapy, one of the first things we address is core beliefs and identity.

Live with passion,

Dr. Charley Ferrer