Breaking up — Avoiding negative energy backlash

I recently broke up with my lover and I figure I’ll never find a new relationship and even if I do, they will just treat me bad or I won’t get what I want. I’m destined to die alone with dozens of cats.

It’s common to come out of a bad relationship with negative feelings about yourself and harbor resentments toward your ex. However if your addressing future relationships from that negativity, future relationships won’t work either and you would merely repeat the pattern and have the same bad outcome.

Past relationships provide us with a wonderful opportunity to grow and learn–not about our ex’s but about ourselves.

Consider for a moment your behavior, your fears, your actions–can they be improved upon so that when you enter into a new relationship YOU will shine. It’s NOT about what your ex did, it’s about who & how you were in that relationship. For example, did you give your all? Were you supportive of them and yourself? Did you enjoy being in a relationship, being a lover, being a friend? What aspects could you improve on for yourself?

There’s a great book I use in Therapy sessions with patients by Iyanla Vanzant called “In the meantime” that discusses ways to work on yourself so that when you’re ready for a relationship, you’ll go into it with a healthier outlook.


Live with passion,

Dr. Charley Ferrer


Dr. Charley Ferrer is a Clinical Sexologist and Relationship Mentor. To work one-on-one with her contact us.

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