subs have all the power…seriously?
Is that why you surrender so you can have all the power?
There is a misguided notion that a submissive holds all the power in a D/s relationship because they can stop a scene anytime they want to simply by calling their safeword. This misguided notion stems from the same place that created the saying, “There are no rules in BDSM and we can do whatever we want”. Though SSC dictates that we should all act consensually, the deeper aspects of D/s fall into RACK (risk aware consensual kink). The fact is a submissive has limited power (as does a Dominant) that’s why it’s called the POWER EXCHANGE. Yes, a submissive (I’m reluctant to say slave here because many slaves live on a deeper plain and under more intense stricter rules)..however back to this topic….yes a submissive does have the right and ability to call their safeword and end a scene. However, the Dominant has the right and power to never interact with that submissive again. Or warn that if the sub keeps ending scenes because they feel uncomfortable or don’t want to be pushed beyond their comfort zone or don’t make the effort to truly interact with the Dominant–other than this ProDom bs where you say, “give me 5 spankings, an ass massage and throw in a nipple twist”–then the sub will not be accepted and will be disguarded.
Submission isn’t about taking control, it’s about releasing it to find a deeper connection. Keep in mind that a Dominant can also call their safeword and leave because what they wish to share is not being honored. At the end of the day, it comes down to compatibility and whether or not you’re really willing to give your all.
(And before anyone bitches about my ProDom comment, remember ProDoms are paid to provide a service and yes, in THAT situation, the submissive…or should I say, the client, does have complete control.)
I specifically left slaves out of the equation for this discussion because “core” slaves open themselves completely and live under the rules and dictates of their Master/Mistress. I’ve purposely used the term “core” as opposed to “true” slaves because I’m talking about those individuals who feel it to their core essence. A slave who says, “well, I don’t want to do that; and that’s not going to happen; and I’ll do it when and how I wish because I can say that” is NOT a slave. And in many instances not a submissive either but merely someone playing at submission.
Imagine surrender as a roller coaster. You start out slowly in small less scary coasts that take you for a few spins and you feel safe and secure knowing that it’ll all be over in a few minutes and it’s not so scary. As you progress in your submission, you begin to go to higher levels, seeking more intensity, you might even through in a loop or two, knowing you’re securely strapped in and won’t be thrown over the edge and left there. You can scream and yell “no” and give in and embrace your fears and at the end of the ride, after you’ve screamed and cried and maybe you’re pants aren’t as dry, you know that the conductor will be there to unbuckle your straps and let you out. You can use another token and take another ride and though it won’t be the same as the first time, since each trip is different, you know you’re always secure in your seat and you have someone watching you, ensuring you’re securely fastened and have someone waiting for you at the other end. For me, that’s what submission and Dominance is all about. We each have a role, a duty, a place to sit and stand. Without that, well, it’s just a ride no one would want to go on.
*From a discussion conducted by Dr. Charley Ferrer on FB*