Though I agree that BDSM (for the most part) is what we desire it to be for ourselves and our relationships, it is not a free-for-all. There is and must be structure! If not, then it’s nothing but vanilla with a little ass spanking thrown in. Though my views may be controversial to those that declare, “BDSM is whatever they and their partner wish it to be,” the truth is, it’s not. You can spank someone’s ass or throw a whip or receive the same, however, that doesn’t make you a Master/Mistress nor sub/slave. You can “play” these parts online or “roleplay” them at home, and that doesn’t make you Dom/slave/sub.

When author, Mike Makai and I briefly discussed my decision to address this topic, he wisely stated that I would be taking “a very unpopular stance in a time when relationship anarchy is the norm.” From some replies I’ve received, his comment has proven true. Smiles. However, as I shared with Mike, “If we just roll over [and not talk about structure and rules] then we’re nothing but vanilla with pretend kink” and people won’t learn and grow.

50 Shades did a service and disservice to the BDSM community. On the one hand, it opened the door to the mainstream populous around the world to talk about D/s. On the other hand, it brought every weirdo out of the closet claiming they were Dominant or submissive, and running around being abusive in the name of BDSM or allowing themselves to be victimized in the name of being a submissive.

So again, I walk the path less traveled when I stand up and shout, THERE ARE RULES! And here are but a few:

• A Dominant leads.
• A submissive follows.
• There is NO switching in a Master/slave relationship though there may be switching in a D/s relationship.
• BDSM is a form of play and what you DO not what or who you are.
• Dominant and submissive is what you are and Dominance and submission is what you practice.
• SSC (Safe, Sane & Consensual) is but one part of D/s interactions; the other is RACK (risk aware consensual kink).
• A submissive should learn how-to-serve just as a Dominant must learn how to use the tools/instruments they will use on their submissive.
• There are various levels of D/s and various levels of M/s and in these there are protocols (rules)

Having a foundation (rules) is imperative to keep yourself and your loved ones safe.

This website was created in order for me to:

• To help you learn the truths about the D/s lifestyle through our discussions and comments.
• To provide you with a safe place to discuss issues.
• To allow you to respectfully disagree with myself and others and share your opinions.

In the days, weeks, and months to come, we’ll continue discussing the Foundation of BDSM, D/s and M/s relationships through various articles and comment threads as there are different protocols and yes, rules that govern each.

Being a Dominant or submissive IS NOT A ROLE you play for fun. It IS who you are inside! It is the breath you take. It is sitting in the dark and wondering, “Am I normal?” because you crave the slap of a hand on your flesh or yearn to lick the screams from your submissive’s mouth. All of this is possible because of the foundation you build. And though you may not agree or like it, there are rules—foundations—protocols in BDSM that we all must follow.

Anarchy doesn’t exist in a D/s relationship nor should it. Remember this very important rule when creating your stories.

Live with passion,

Dr. Charley Ferrer
Host & Founder
BDSM Writers Con, Inc.