The purpose behind Protocols and Rituals is to train the sub/slave in the manner in which the Dominant wishes him or her to be of service and perform their duties. Protocols & Rituals also serve to consciously reinforce a sub/slave’s desire to serve and their position in the Dominant’s life.

Yes, Protocols & Rituals can be used for various purposes, including punishment, atonement, service, pleasure, etc.

The beauty about Protocols & Rituals is that you can create them however you wish them to be. You can be as elaborate as you desire or as simple as you want. The most important thing to remember is that though the sub/slave is required to carry them out, it is the Dominant’s responsibility to reinforce them. It’s also why many Masters/Mistress’ keep things simple.

Two major differences between Protocols and Rituals is that Protocols are required and Rituals are more of enhancements. For instance: you can require your sub to follow the Protocol of wearing no clothes to bed or kneeling beside their Master/Mistress. This is an actual task.

A Ritual is the “way” in which it’s done. For instance, before the slave can kneel beside his Master/Mistress, he must remove his clothing, stand quietly before her and await her instructions to kneel.

Another Protocol/Ritual combo which I really enjoy and which can be used in vanilla settings without anyone being wiser is that the slave is not allowed to eat nor drink anything unless the first bite or first taste is provided by the Master/Mistress. (That’s the Protocol.) The Ritual is that the M/M offers the first bite by feeding the slave and the first drink by taking a small sip herself and then leaning over to kiss the slave and allow him to drink from her lips. To everyone else, this will simply appear as the Dominant offering his/her “lover” a bite to eat and a kiss. To the D/s couple, it’s their power dynamics being maintained and reinforced.

Another thing to remember is once Protocols and Rituals are established, some slaves/subs may become very committed to them and need the Ritual to be performed exactly as they originally learned it. These Rituals and Protocols become precious even sacred to them. The slave may even “correct” their Dominant if the M/M performs the Ritual incorrectly and be upset, disappointed, or even emotionally hurt/distraught.

Here’s an example: The slave is always to have a collar on. When they are in public and in vanilla settings, he wears a silver necklace which no one is the wiser. When the couple arrives home, the slave asks to wear his “collar”. Once the Mistress agrees, he kneels before her. At that time, she holds his large metal collar before him and he leans in and kisses each side. Once that is done, she places his actual D/s collar on him. This full time use collar is actually a large thick metal collar with D-rings. This collar is locked in place and is worn whenever he is at home or in a D/s setting. (As you can see, it wouldn’t be appropriate to wear this large metal collar in public or in vanilla settings.) The ritual continues as the vanilla collar is pulled up under the metal collar and then removed ensuring the slave always has his Mistress’ collar on. In essence wearing a collar 24/7. When removing the metal collar because they are going out, the slave kneels before his Dominant and she places the vanilla collar on first, pulling it down through the inside of the metal collar, and then removes the large metal collar. The collar is held before the slave and he kisses it. In this way, the slave is never without his collar. It should be noted each collar is kissed upon removal and placement. In this manner, the slave physically acknowledges his appreciation of the gift he is being given by being collared. Also the slave is offering thanks and affection to their Dominant for offering them their collar and claiming the slave as theirs.

Just because you play with someone doesn’t mean you collar them. Collars are sacred in the D/s community and not easily given. Though some individuals will go out and purchase their own collar even though they’re not owned by anyone, the person that ultimately accepts the slave as their own, will provide an actual collar for them. No Dominant will use another Dom’s collar on their slave. That would be akin to using someone else’s wedding ring on your spouse. I read this in a book once and knew the author did not have much experience in the BDSM community.

I’m sure you can come up with a few Protocols and Rituals of your own. Please feel free to share some and/or ask about any you’re not sure of or would like to tweak a bit.

Check out this Protocols & Rituals for more in-depth information. You can also read BDSM The Naked Truth for tidbits and further info on Dominance and submission.

Live with passion,

Doctor Charley