“If a submissive has to bow in front of her/his partner, does that not demean them? Does that not erode their self-pride?”

A quick note before I respond: Though I realize some of the connections I make may be offensive, I make them to have individuals understand the psychological and emotional effects of the act and the emotional component behind it and more importantly, I provide the vanilla connections to help normalize the behaviors. And though my connections may sometimes offend, it’s never my intention to do so.

I love to make vanilla connections with D/s experiences in order to help you fully understand the connection between a submissive kneeling and a Dominant accepting, I’m going to incorporate several religious aspects. Here goes……

Have you ever been to church? Have you ever knelt before a priest? Bowed your head in supplication to another? Why do you do such when the priest is merely another human being? When you kneel before a priest, do you feel shame or any other emotional connection other that peace or acceptance. (Assuming you weren’t bad and wanting to confess; where would you go?) On another note, do you kneel because he is a symbol of power…, of connection, or spiritual release?

Your decision to kneel, allowed you to not only be respectful, but to absolve you of situations and conditions or connect you to your higher self. Your behavior is a learned response of a Ritual and Protocol. To give up control–to be submissive. To look at yourself without all the layers of protection— cooping mechanisms, etc. In a way, being with your Dominant is the same thing. It allows you to open yourself up and know you will be accepted. You trust that the Dominant will take you to the edge and not let you fall. Or if he/she lets you fall, they will pick up the pieces afterward and put you back together. It’s trusting absolutely.

I make the religious connection here because for many BDSM—, Dominance and submission, —IS a spiritual connection–but not the only one.

In a marriage:
Have you ever deferred to your partner’s dictates and requirements? Do you not surrender to him/her at times? Do you not cook and clean for him and bite your tongue even though at times you wish to control the situation but allow him to be “the head of household”? Does this mean you are less than he is? Or does it mean that you are conforming and compromising in your relationship? Does making your husband dinner mean you reverse your view on women’s rights? No it doesn’t. It merely states you wish to have a certain type of relationship. It means you’re willing to put your needs aside for someone you care for or a relationship you belief in.

As I mentioned in prior discussions, it takes more strength to kneel than it does to stand before another! Just imagine how hard it is for you to open up and be vulnerable to your lover/spouse. A submissive/slave is expected to do so all the time… and often does so without prompting.

Being submissive, at times, means putting aside fears, misconceptions, prior beliefs, and pride and allowing another to guide, —to take you safely to the edge, and hold you there. I don’t know many individuals who would CONSCIOUSLY do such a thing in typical vanilla relationships. Talk about bravery!

Live with passion,

Doctor Charley

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